Some Suggestions for the Early Weeks
In a long-past issue of Mothering magazine (Jan-Feb 1998), Heather Henderson spells out so articulately how easy it is for expectant and new parents to “get caught up in the acquisition frenzy.” She wisely points out that “when that slippery, wide-eyed little jewel of a human being first lies against your breast and your newborn motherhood begins, all you really need are a few diapers, a tiny T-shirt or two, and your own warm, available body. As for the rest, well, you’ll figure it out more easily than you might think.”
And of course it is that process of sussing out what your child needs, and what you need, and how to integrate and harmonize those needs, that is the marrow of parenting. Here are a few practical tips that have worked for myself and others in those early, tender weeks of first figuring it all out:
Taking Care of Baby:
Rather than a bunch of fancy furniture and equipment, the only things you really need are
- A simple changing pad and cover, akin to a tiny terrycloth version of a fitted sheet… or even a large, folded towel will do.
- A place to put it: the floor… a bed… atop a chest of drawers that is a comfortable height. Important: don’t wait until baby is learning to roll over to install a “safety belt” to whatever changing situation you’re using!
- A stacked organizer/drawer unit, to keep diapers, wipes, and everything else you need at arm’s reach.
- Wipes: Rather than chemical or even natural, non-chemical (but expensive) wipes, here’s an alternative: set a pump thermos (available in sweet patterns perfect for a baby’s room) in a small plastic basin atop the aforementioned stacking drawer unit, filled with warm water. A drop or two of lavender essential oil scents it nicely. Have dozens of small terry wipe-sized cloths (you can also cut up an old flannel sheet) at the ready. Moisten a cloth, clean baby’s diaper zone, then drop into the plastic basin for later collection for the hamper. Easy on the wallet, the environment, and especially on baby’s skin.
- Diapers: contrary to popular perception, cloth is easy!!! (Especially when you have a great diaper service like Dy-Dee available in your town.) More importantly, it’s easy on baby’s skin, and you really will feel better knowing you’re not contributing to the environmental nightmare of plastic & chemical diapers mounting in landfills all over the world. A bonus is that you have a ready supply of clean diapers to use for those extra needs—as burp cloths, and to handle that first, really messy wipe when changing a poopy diaper. Simply toss diapers as is into the pail, put it out front once a week, and someone else handles it—and brings you pristine, soft diapers in return. It’s like magic!
- Wraps/Covers: You need to cover cloth diapers with something. I started out using a variety of the neat Velcro wraps that are available, partly because I was terrified of using pins! But I increasingly became lower-tech—simply pinning the diaper and covering it with nylon pants. (You’ll find that older babies find it amusing to open their Velcro wraps themselves—which isn’t a problem with pants & pins!)
- Clothes: Adding to the tiny T-shirt or two, I suggest that you can’t have too many onesies. They are the best.
- Bathing: We’re a bit overly concerned in this culture with antibacterial cleanliness… and until your baby is really crawling about and getting actually dirty, wee sponge-baths on the (towel-padded) bathroom counter, or sitz-baths in the sink itself, are plenty. Some new babies enjoy the actual bath-in-molded-plastic-contraption (mine did) and others abhor it. Listen to your baby. You may enjoy taking a bath with your baby, if you are confident in your abilities to hold the slippery wee thing and—more importantly—to safely get both you and your baby out of the tub once you’re done!!
- Stimulation, Amusement, Toys: Simple—that is you, period. Your mirroring gaze, your soft body, your comforting voice, your embracing arms. Notice a theme here? You are going to be doing a lot of giving, holding, feeding, gazing… while not doing a tremendous amount of sleeping or many of the other activities that help keep you feeling like, well, you. You are going to be your baby’s everything for a good while. It takes a lot to be someone’s everything, especially when that someone cannot hold his head up, let alone hold a conversation. So the best thing you can do for your baby is to take care of yourself.
Taking Care of Yourself:
- Nursing support: Long before your baby arrives, do some asking around for the name of a good lactation consultant. As much as nursing is a “natural” thing, a few well-advised tips can save your nipples and a good understanding of the processes involved in lactation can make or break your nursing experience. La Leche League is a great source of information and support.
- Clothes: Treat yourself to easy, soft clothes that make you feel pretty. I always preferred tops that I simply lifted up for nursing, rather than the specially-engineered tops with slits and flaps.
- Bedclothes: Here’s something that we wouldn’t really think of as new-baby supplies, but you’ll spend a lot of time in bed with your baby and fresh sheets can be really uplifting. Also have sheet protectors on hand for any heavy bleeding you might do at night in the first week or two postpartum.
- Water: Make it easy to get water… pitchers everywhere, with glasses.
- Help: Tasks that you once barely noticed may seem insurmountable once you are caring for your new baby, and your postpartum body. Preparing meals and snacks, tidying up the house, doing laundry (and a tiny baby generates a surprising amount of it), and even taking a shower, can become major hurdles. Enlist all the help you can get. For shower gifts, forget the fancy baby gadgets; make your registry a sign-up calendar of household and cooking help!
And remember the famous mantra
for the inevitable challenging times ahead:
“This too shall pass.”
But also remember… not too many years from now,
when you are about to send your baby off to college
(as I am as I write this)
that mantra reveals its bittersweet side:
the blissful moments shall pass as well.
Savor them.