Booklet and CD Descriptions
Booklets
Painful Lessons, Loving Bonds ~ The Heart of Open Adoption
$9.95
- The “secret ingredient” for healthy intimacy between parents and child
- The dangers of the wrong kind of open adoption
- How we should respond when birth parents “reclaim” children
- What adoptive parents must do for themselves, for the sake of their children
- How every adoption can be open, in the most loving way
“Other mommies and daddies had to take what they got, but we got to choose you,” is another kind of well-intentioned but ultimately destructive lie that some adoptive parents tell in an attempt to bolster their children’s positive sense of self and of this status called “being adopted”, and perhaps to ease any undercurrents of social stigma they might feel out in the world. While it clearly wouldn’t be appropriate to share with a child what is often the actual truth-that they tried everything possible to have a biological child before deciding to adopt-it is crucial for parents to share the essence of the truth with their adopted children, the feelings which hover beneath the facts: ’We’re sorry, too, that you didn’t grow in Mommy’s tummy.’”
What is Written on the Heart ~ Primal Issues in Adoption
$11.95
- What the “primal wound” means to your child and you — or to the adult adoptee
- Ways to address your child’s primal experience so you build trust, intimacy & joy
- Healthy parenting approaches to empower your child
- Cutting-edge research into how the circumstances of conception, pregnancy and birth can carry lifelong implications for adult adoptees
“I believe that the newborn adoptee has a deep—yes, primal—knowledge that his original mother isn’t the one who’s holding and feeding and cooing at him. Plenty of solid research shows us that a newborn knows his mother and will work very hard to obtain her over anyone else… But all is not lost. Parents needn’t feel hopeless in the face of these revelations, for one of the most powerful healing forces is available to every parent, free of charge… These are simple, concrete things which, while perhaps challenging of parents’ idealized vision of the adoptive experience, will begin to establish an atmosphere of trust for their child. This trust leads to the kind of intimacy which, more than any piece of paper, decrees them as that child’s real parents. For parents who act not out of their own needs and insecurities, but rather out of a truly respectful, supportive commitment to their child’s needs, those are real parents. And that is real love.”
CDs (some also available in cassette format)
Affirming The Adoptee’s Reality: A Way To Intimacy
With loving intentions but wayward means, adoptive parents often convey half-truths to their children about the realities of adoption. Through poignant stories about real-life adoptions, this tape highlights the crucial need for a fully open heart in adoption, the blessings that come with it, and practical ways to achieve it.
[75 min.] $15
The 72 Varieties of Open Adoption: Which is Yours?
An exploration of the continuum of openness, from closed, through “Quasi-open”, to fully open, including the critical features of the kind of adoption that is in the child’s best interests. How you can have a crucial kind of openness, even if you may never know your child’s birth parents; and by contrast, how some “open” adoptions fail to serve the child.
[45 min.] $15
Smoke and Mirrors: Why Reunion Relationships are Soooooo Tricky
The “push/pull” syndrome, the “walking on eggshells” syndrome, the “Why won’t she return my call?” syndrome, the “She always misses my birthday” syndrome… How primal issues in adoption play themselves out today.
[75 min.] $15
Life Before Birth: The Shaping Nature of Our Prenatal Experience
Fascinating pre- and perinatal research on how our prenatal circumstances affect our personalities, “quirks”, current relationships and daily life experiences. Empowering approaches to transcending unwanted primal “templates”.
[75 min.] $15